Are You Patriotic?

I work retail. A salesperson from a local radio station offers my boss an advertising package. It would run through, and mainly on, September 11. For a couple thousand dollars we can tell the local community that we (our retail business) support our troops! My, this would make us feel good! We can sell more product and make more money! And the radio station can make more money!



Don't get me wrong, the reason that I go to work is to make money. I think the word that I am looking for is "exploitation." Yes, that's it, exploiting the 9/11 victims and their families and exploiting the brave G-I's.



If we really support our troops, maybe we should consider a gift subscription to the magazine or newspaper of their choice.



Any ideas?

Living In A Small Town

Living in a small town is great! Everyone knows everyone and you can count on your neighbors to be there during times of need. You can also count on the Little League coach's son to be the pitcher, regardless of any lack of talent or ability. You can also count on the top high school graduates being close relation to the school board president, principal or coach. To them I say: "We can see this....we ain't stupid."

Dating help for the shallow......

NEW YORK - The peak time for dates from hell in New York City is Friday at 8 p.m. — judging by the cell phone calls delivering emergency excuses to bolt

Truth is, they're fake "rescue" calls — now being offered by two cell phone providers, Cingular Wireless and Virgin Mobile USA. In an era of Internet-set dates, it's just customer service — a hip way to wiggle out of an uncomfortable encounter.

The rescue calls are a way to use the phone as a lifestyle accessory, Virgin Mobile spokeswoman Sarah Koening said.

For both Cingular and Virgin Mobile, the prerecorded messages are created at a high-tech central command in California's Silicon Valley. There, five people with doctorates in linguistics dream up excuses for folks to repeat before suddenly dropping a date gone sour.

Dan Enthoven, director of marketing for BeVocal, the California company that designs complex voice-driven software for the telecom market, said the number of rescue calls go up on weekends, especially Fridays at about 8 p.m. BeVocal's two rescue-call clients in North America, Cingular and Virgin Mobile, generate at least 10,000 calls a month, he said.

With both Cingular's Escape-A-Date and Virgin Mobile's Rescue Ring service, a customer can arrange to be called at a set time, using the cell keypad.

When the cell rings, one of Cingular's eight "emergency" messages says: "Hey, this is your Escape-A-Date call. If you're looking for an excuse, I got it. Just repeat after me, and you'll be on your way! 'Not again! Why does that always happen to you? ... All right, I'll be right there.' Now tell 'em that your roommate got locked out, and you have to go let them in. Good luck!"

And bingo, the bad date is history.

The rescue-call service is part of a Cingular package that costs $4.99 a month. Virgin Mobile offers its Rescue Ring at 25 cents per use, plus the price of the call.

Will Baker for State Auditor! ...at least we know what we're getting!

TACOMA, Wash. - (AP) Republican leaders in Washington state were happy to have a contender for state auditor when they accepted Will Baker's last-minute offer to challenge a popular Democrat.

They didn't worry too much about who he was or how he spent his time — until they realized a considerable amount of his time was spent in jail.

Now party leaders are scrambling to remove him from the ballot, days after naming him as the Republican choice to oppose Democratic incumbent Brian Sonntag's bid for a fourth term.

"We didn't check him out," state GOP chairman Chris Vance said. "If I could, I would withdraw the letter putting him on the ballot as the Republican candidate — but it's too late."

On Friday, state election officials denied the party's request to remove Baker from the ballot, saying that would require court action.

Baker, a 41-year-old roadside flower salesman and self-styled political activist, has been arrested at least 19 times since 1992, mostly for refusing to stop speaking at Tacoma City Council and Pierce County Council meetings. He was last released from jail less than two months ago.

Baker declined to be interviewed by the Tacoma News Tribune, but when asked about his candidacy he said, "No one's asked me to withdraw."

When no Republican candidate emerged for the state office by the July 30 deadline, Vance said Baker called GOP leaders and volunteered.

In haste, the party accepted Baker's offer without thoroughly examining his background.

"He told us that he was a conservative activist," Vance said. "We did just a minimal amount of checking."