What The Hell, Mel?

Drinking? Take a taxi or use a designated driver. If you are a multi millionaire, it would be easily affordable to hire a limo and a driver, 24/7.
This brings us to Mel Gibson, famous, wealthy Hollywood actor & director. Gets caught allegedly speeding in his 2006 Lexus at 87 mph along the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu during the wee hours, Friday morning, with a blood alcohol level of 0.12% (the legal limit is 0.08% in California). He's held by the local sheriff's department for over 7 hours. During that time, reports indicate that mouthy Mel said some very nasty things about people of the Jewish faith. Things like Jews are responsible for all wars....
Mel, now that's not nice. Also, it's not true. Ignorant (drunk) red necks would say stuff like that. Oh, Mel, a lotta Hollywood studio big shots (Disney) are Jewish. Did you know that? Maybe that's why you said what you may have said. Doesn't matter. There's no shortage of actors, producers and directors in Southern California.
You may have backed into early retirement. Is it time to look into the purchase of convenience stores? Maybe a restaurant. You could call it Mel's Diner! Oh, and be sure to put bagels on the menu!

Miss Universe, Christy Brinkley & Jimmy Soul

OK, where is he going with this? This past weekend a new Miss Universe is crowned. Minutes later, she passes out. They say it was due to a tight dress. I say she was hungry.
Christy Brinkley can't keep a man? She's pretty, so is Miss Universe.
Here's my point, Floyd, just because a woman is pretty, it doesn't mean that she is smart, kind, loyal, a good cook, a good lover, a good judge of men, or a generally nice person. Some pretty women can "get by" on their looks, alone. It's the average (or worse) looking among us who have to compliment our inherited looks by developing a personality. Relying on a womon's looks, alone is where we (guys) go wrong. I'm reminded of Jimmy Soul's 1964 hit record: "If You Wanna Be Happy." In the chorus he sings: "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife." Did I follow his advice? I'll put it this way, I got lucky.

Dopey Landis Ain't Snow White

Why would anyone take an illegal drug, knowing that he would be tested? Dumb! Even dumber when you are doing well in a major international sporting event?
Here's the story from my friends at Reuters:

PARIS (Reuters) - Tour de France winner Floyd Landis has tested positive for the male sex hormone testosterone, the U.S. rider's Phonak team said on Thursday, dealing a savage blow to cycling's most prestigious race.

"The Phonak Cycling Team was notified yesterday by (world cycling body) the UCI of an unusual level of testosterone/epitestosterone ratio in the test made on Floyd Landis after stage 17 of the Tour de France," Phonak said in a team statement.

It was the first time in the history of the showpiece event that its winner had given a positive drugs test during the race. If Landis's B sample confirms the result of his A sample, the 30-year-old is certain to be stripped of his victory.

In the 17th stage, a grueling mountain ride to Morzine in the French Alps a week ago, Landis produced an incredible comeback a day after a disastrous showing had appeared to ruin his chances of victory.

The rider from Pennsylvania crossed the line over five minutes and ahead of Spaniard Carlos Sastre and went on to win the race in Paris, succeeding compatriot Lance Armstrong who retired last year after winning the Tour a record seven times.

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Thank you, Floyd, for giving the USA another black eye!

Smart Bikini

I am always looking for new technology to improve the quality of life. Here's my latest "find." You see it on the right. It's a bikini bathing suit which actually tells you what the sun's UV intensity is. You'll notice a digital readout on the bikini bottom that shows 20 different levels of UV intensity. The product is from Solestrom, a Canadian company. Click on the picture for greater detail. Retail is about $190. So guys, if you see one of these on the beach, you'll know that she has resources to spend $200 on a tiny bathing suit and that she cares about the health of her skin. It could be a good conversation starter - other than that, the General knows very little about women - actually LESS as time goes on...you're on your own!

General's "Get A Clue" Department

Miss Pammy's been slaming KFC for their treatment of chickens. Did you know that Ms. Anderson is co-owner of a Hollywierd Restaurant named "Black Steel" where many of the menu items are MEAT?
PETA is not impressed.
You can read more about it here.

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I have discovered the reason behind global warming, the trouble in the Middle East, high gas prices, the size of your paycheck, many computer viruses and the generally uncomfortable hot, humid conditions. Blame Alex Rodriguez! And, of course, when the Yankees lose a game, it's his fault, too.

Pam Says Yes

Pam says "yes?"
Probably quite often.
This time to Kid Rock. Apparently she called the Howard Stern Radio Show to tell Howard (and the world) about her upcoming wedding plans.
While most of us will find ourselves far from fascinated by this bit of news, for some reason I find this to be interesting.
Earlier this week, she said that she would like to be married in the South Of France, where she's celebrating her 39th birthday.
Asked how she's coping with her nerves before the big event, she replied: "I have two words for you: champagne."
Comments?

Mickey Spillane

Mickey Spillane died Monday at his home in South Carolina. He was 88. You may have heard of him, you may also have seen him spoofing himself on a series of Miller Lite TV commercials. I was introduced to Spillane in 1972. I was in the Army, being jerked around. This gave me plenty of time. I read all 13 Mike Hammer books. Not exactly classic literature. The attraction was that they were all real. That is to say not phoney. He always admitted that he wrote for the money. My girlfriend used to send me the Mike Hammer books as I was stationed in Frankfurt, West Germany and I didn't have access to them. I also did not have access to her and she was married by the time I returned...but that's a story for another blog. Brooklyn-born Mickey Spillane, one of a kind! We will miss him and what he did best: write in plain English about tuff guys in tuff situations.

Bikini Icon

The Bikini swim suit turns 60 years old, this month. At one time the bikini was viewed as rather racy. Our friends at Yahoo did a survey asking for the public's concept of the bikini icon. The winner? Ursula Andress.
(Or Ursula Undress as we used to call her.) The photo is from the James Bond movie, "Dr. No." You may remember her line as she emerged from the water, she says to Sean Connery, "Are you looking for something?" He responds, "I'm just looking."
We were all looking.

The two-piece suit was officially named the bikini in July 1946 by French automotive engineer Louis Reard who persuaded nude dancer Micheline Bernardini to appear in his design at a Paris beauty contest.
Reard named the design after Bikini Atoll in the Pacific, where the United States tested an atomic bomb, because he thought the excitement over it would be like an explosion.

Welfare Barbie

I
came across this picture and found it quite funny...until I realized that I am helping to pay for everything that you see here. Click on the picture to get the full effect.

Hellphones

Cellphones have become common. Almost everyone has one. I don't. Why? I'm glad you asked. I own a lot of things, free and clear. I don't want to become the idiot, in public, who carries on a louder-than-normal conversation on a phone so that everyone can hear. In a more civilized time, we used phone booths. Rent a black and white movie, there's a good chance you'll see a phone booth and a better chance that you'll see a phone dial which is actually a dial.
Back to cell phones. I make calls to cell phones all the time. The reception is often worse than when Neil Armstrong called from the moon 37 years ago! What the hell are we paying for?
And the worst thing about cell phones is that people talk on them, dial them and text message on them WHILE THEY ARE DRIVING! Even a good driver becomes dangerous when he is distracted. Imagine what could happen if a kid with limited driving skills gets distracted with his cell phone. That's right, a wreck and we all pay higher insurance rates.
Since I don't own or use a cell phone, the people I see who use them usually look stupid. Like they're trying to convince others that they have a Donald Trump schedule. Sad, they can't possibly be a stupid as they look. Especially when the make or take a call and they don't "say" anything. "Hi, how ya doin' Not much, OK blah blah." No wonder everyone's in debt on the brink of bankruptcy. And the ringtones! They're always too loud, intrusive, poor audio quality, often in poor taste and generally awkward.
I know that some people carry them for emergencies and I have no problem with that. Maybe somebody can tell me why people get a call, look at the caller ID and don't take the call? That's arrogance. Answer the damn thing and tell the person you don't want to talk. And if you don't want to talk, why do you have the damn thing?

Lil Kim - Free At Last!

Lil Kim is getting out of jail early...for good behavior. She's set to hit the streets early Monday morning. You may (or may not) remember that she was found guilty of federal perjury charges on Mar. 17, 2005 for lying repeatedly to a grand jury probing the 2001 gunfight outside the New York's Hot 97 headquarters involving Kim's Junior M.A.F.I.A. crew and rival hip-hopsters Capone-N-Noreaga and Foxy Brown.
Another class act.
Lil Kim is simply one of many reasons for the popularity of country music.