General Tom's Healthy Update

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5.. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Friday Foto - Holly Weber

This week's Friday Foto features 25 year old American Actress Holly Weber. Holly's been seen in many TV shows and commercials including a Gieco/Caveman ad.

Click the picture for the full effect and, of course, have a good weekend!

IRL @ Chicagoland

I've mentioned that I attended this year's Indy 500. While I was there, I was intrigued by a relatively new driver. While the local IRL faithful seemed to carry a sentiment for IRL Princess Danica or even Sarah Fisher, I found it interesting that not much attention was being paid to the third female in the field, Milka Duno. She's from Venezuela and is a naval engineer with masters degrees in Organizational Development, Naval Architecture, Maritime Business, and Marine Biology. For some reason, really smart women are appealing to me. I cannot explain this. By the way, did you know that Danica Patrick dropped out of high school? She did. She has since acquired the prestigious G.E.D.!

The IRL series travels to Joliet, Illinois. Duno has done well, there, in the past. This is the best excuse that I can think of to do a post on her!

Oh, here's a picture, below of a cat fight between Princess Danica and Milka. Milka ended it by throwing a towel in Danica's face. She had been complaining that Milka's car was going too slow during a practice run and that Milka should have gotten out of Danica's way. Well, she's probably right, but acting like an ass, Danica, won't get you anywhere. (You can quote me on that.)


Keep in mind that Milka is 37 years old and this is just her third season in the IRL. This could be an interesting weekend.

Ellie Greenwich Passes

You may not know her name, but she was an important part of American popular music. Ellie Greenwich died today she was 68. It was a heart attack. She had been battling pneumonia at New York's Roosevelt Hospital.

Ellie wrote or co-wrote the following:

Be My Baby (Ronnettes)
Baby, I Love You (Ronnettes)
Leader Of The Pack (Shangri-La's)
Chapel Of Love (Dixie Cups)
River Deep, Mountain High (Ike & Tina Turner)
Then He Kissed Me (The Crystals)
Da Doo Ron Ron (The Crystals)
Doo Wah Ditty (Manfred Mann)
Hanky Panky (Tommy James & The Shondells)

Ellie also co-produced and sang background vocals for Neil Diamond's early work: “Kentucky Woman,” “Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon,” “Cherry, Cherry,” “Red, Red Wine” and “I’m a Believer.”

Greenwich also recorded her own solo album (picture), Ellie Greenwich Composes, Produces and Sings, in 1968, and often sang backup for artists like Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin and Dusty Springfield.

This was a very talented lady. All of the above songs are featured on my Pandora Internet Radio Station.

Ellie will be missed.

UK Texting PSA

A while back I mentioned that it has become illegal in Illinois to text message as you are driving a car. The following is a controversial PSA produced in the United Kingdom. I don't see any controversy...do you?

Jessica Biel: Most Dangerous Celeb!

Shocking news! Jessica Biel searches are more likely to lead to online threats such as spyware and viruses than searches for any other celebrity. This is according to McAfee, a famous computer security company. McAfee claims that you have a one in five chance of ending up at a Web site designed to damage one's computer. I'd like to point out that I risked the health of my computer to bring you the adjoining picture!
Brad Pitt held this distinction, last year.
Following Biel in this year's report, in order, were Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Brady and Jessica Simpson.
McAfee noted President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama are curiously safe searches, ranking no. 34 and no. 39, respectively.

Miss Universe

Miss Universe 2010 was held, this past weekend. I missed it. Well, I could've watched it, but I would've missed a compelling rerun of Nightline or CBS Mysteries on the I.D. Cable Channel. Have you ever watched these shows? They're all the same! The husband gets killed by the wife or vice versa. The suspect is always guilty. You can miss the middle third of the show and not really miss anything because they constantly recap what you've just seen. I think I'm rambling. We started talking about Miss Universe. Well it was won by a slender girl with extremely long legs. Her name is Stefania Fernández. She's 18 and, seriously, she is a very pretty lady. Look at the picture. That's man-of-the-world Donald Trump looking goofey in the shadow of the new Miss Universe. She also won the "Miss Elegance", "Best Body" and "Best Face", titles. I guess anybody wood look goofey standing next to her.

54 Years Ago

I prefer to not live in the past, but being the dinosaur that I am, I can easily remember hearing the following, as a young boy in 1955.......

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter '

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.'

Friday Foto

Tweek we salute Canada! Our neighbors to the north represent this blog's third largest audience, behind the UK and USA.
Our lady is fitness model and Canadian native, Leigh Lingham. Click the picture to get the full effect!

Have a nice weekend!

Ainsley Harriott

Here it is! My 800th post! To dignify this milestone, I've chosen a report from our esteemed Chief Consumer Editor, Benny Brown from our European Bureau. He reports that the adjoining product was actually marketed, briefly, in Ireland. If you click the picture, you may be able to see the, eh, problem.

For those who do not kow, Ainsley Harriott is a celebrity chef, author and TV personality in the UK. I never met the man, but I assume that the words on the package are directions and not a personality description.

Crypt For Sale

From time to time, I like to point out things that are tacky. On E-bay there is an offering for the above ground tomb located directly above the final resting place of Marilyn Monroe. It is currently occupied, but will be vacated when sold. The seller is the widow, Elsie Poncher, of the deceased, Richard Poncher. She plans on moving his remains and taking the money to pay off her Beverly Hills mortgage.

Bidding for the plot is going well, it opened at $500,000 and had reached $2.5 million by Sunday.

The Westwood Village Memorial Park is home to many celebrities, including Dean Martin, James Coburn, Roy Orbison, Truman Capote, Natalie Wood, and the recently deceased Farrah Fawcett.

Playboy's Hugh Hefner bought the crypt beside Monroe in 1992.

This is just another small reason why the rest of the world simply doesn't understand Americans.

Woodstock Art & Music Fair + 40 Years

Today is the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock Art & Music Fair. I remember it well! I wasn't there, but I remember it well! I had to work that weekend. It was held at Max Yasgur's 600 acre farm - Max needed the money. The concert happened in Bethel, New York - not in Woodstock. Woodstock is 43 miles away from the actual concert, in another county. The locals in Woodstock wanted no part of the "Hippie invasion." Most of the kids in the audience were rich kids rebelling against their parents.

Thirty-two acts performed during the sometimes rainy weekend in front of nearly half a million concertgoers. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest moments in popular music history and was listed on Rolling Stone's 50 Moments That Changed the History of Rock and Roll.

It was a very different time - an unpopular war, military draft...
The music meant so much, then. Still does.

Friday Foto - Louise Glover

Yeah, I know, I missed the deadline. I've been busy. Please let me know if you want a cash refund.

This week's somewhat delayed Friday Foto features Louise Glover. She's English and 26 years old. She's a model and photographer. She is the first British model to be named "Model of the Year" in Playboy Special Editions. Click the picture to get the full effect!

Impressed? I am.

Have a good weekend!

Cowboy Joke

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I can tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves..'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man: 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?' The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, ' Okay, why not?'

'You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government', says Bud.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Post # 795 - Monday Joke

As I near my 800th post, I have a joke which I think every wife should read. This was sent to me by Mrs. General Tom. Please remember, it's just a damn joke!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

Abbey Road 40th Anniversary

It doesn't seem like it's been 40 years, but it has. The picture on the left is the famous album cover of the Beatles' final record album, Abbey Road. The picture was taken 40 years ago, today. Tourists routinely have their pictures taken in the same fashion as the original. I can see that. That would be cool! I don't think it should be obsessive.

Today there was a major celebration on the 40th anniversary of that picture being taken. There was a sizable crowd on the scene. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the Beatles. They created wonderful music - nothing like it in the world! But, c'mon, boys and girls, get a life! Are your lives so empty that you should feel the need to celebrate the anniversary of a photo shoot? We are laughing at you!

Now the 40th anniversary of Woodstock! Now that's an event worth remembering!

Friday Foto: Gemma Atkinson

It's friday - here's the photo. It's Gemma Atkinson. She's English. If you are English, you've probably heard of her. If not, you may want to google her. I should tell you more about her, but I just got back from the dentist and the Novocaine is starting to wear off.

Click the picture for the full effect, and have a nice weekend!

Texting + Driving: No No In Illinois

Finally, it is illegal to text message while you are driving in Illinois. This is amazing that they had to pass a law, but apparently, some of us are compelled to communicate while operating a motor vehicle. Does this seem arrogant to you? That our safety should be jeopardized so some idiot can send a text message to some other idiot? Apparently the text is more important than our safety. I know, I know, we are all so important! It is vital that we instantly communicate our dire messages to our colleagues!

Actually, it's doubtful that you have anything to say that can't wait until you pull over or finish your driving. I know that I'm a dinosaur, but in the dark ages it was perfectly OK to make a three minute (or less) phone call on a dime...that, basically, got the job done. Do we have anything more important to say, today, than we did in the days of yore? Nope. Probably less.