Public Flatulence Law Raises A Stink

I am not making this up - honestly, this is a proposed law, soon to be debated by the Parliament of Malawi, Africa. The offense is breaking wind, you know, farting - in public. The Malawian government wants to punish "persistent offenders" while moulding

 responsible and disciplined citizens.

Sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint the offender as when the offense occurs, guys have been known to pass the "blame" to somebody else.

This legislation contains other offenses, these include insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging to fight a duel, and trespassing on a burial place. It also outlaws pretending to be a fortune teller.

God, I hope Chuck Schumer doesn't read this!!

Being Nice Can Be Difficult

We have an interesting little situation involving a man named Joe Rodriguez. Joe is a successful business man. He started out as a kid, working as a shoe shine boy in New Jersey.

Now, he's based in Florida and he created Rodriguez Charities,a legal foundation that donates significant amounts of money to at-risk and needy people. You know, like for the Haiti earthquake, local high school football and band uniforms, the American Cancer Society, the American Red Cross and many, many more worthy causes including a Palm Beach County elementary school. In all, he's donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to all kinds of non-profits. This is the kind of guy after whom they should name streets, boulevards, parks...you get the idea...

This is where the controversy begins. Until now, Rodriguez's gifts have largely remained anonymous because he didn't want what he does for a living to smear his charitable efforts.

Joe owns a strip club.

Actually, he owns Pure Platinum in Fort Lauderdale and the Cheetah gentlemen's clubs in Hallandale Beach, Pompano Beach and Palm Beach County.

Last week, Joe cut a check for $10,000 for the Roosevelt School in Palm Beach County. A lot of poor kids go to this school and it is the second donation from Joe, of this amount, within the past two years.

The people in the school system did not know who Rodriguez is or where the money came from. Jose Lambiet, a Palm Beach Post columnist, spilled the beans and told the world that Rodriguez owns strip clubs and gives money to charity...like the Roosevelt elementary school.

There's a fuzzy procedural line between accepting the money or not. Citing policy, the district said it would ask Roosevelt's principal, Glenda Garrett, to return the money, Lambiet reported. But district spokesman Nat Harrington insisted district officials haven't discussed the matter and the decision to return the check rested with Garrett.

My advice:
Take the money.
Say, "Thank You!"
Optional: Name the cafeteria after they guy!

Fox Bans NFLPA Super Bowl Ad

The National Football League Players Association's Super Bowl ad has been banned from the broadcast of "the big game."

The reason is obvious. Fox wants to keep the team owners happy...

at any cost. Airing the NFLPA commercial will do nothing to keep the owners happy.

Fox will not show the ad to you, but we will! Take a look......

Monday Foto - Tess Taylor

We begin the work week with Tess Taylor. Tess is the Playboy Cyber Girl Of The Year for 2010!

She is featured on the E! program, Pretty Wild.

Click the image for the full effect and have a great week!

Snow Samaritan's Stolen Blower

Bill Hebner is heartbroken. Keep your chin up, Bill - things will change very soon!

Hebner is a good guy! The 67 year old semi retired bus

 driver is a local hero. He's the guy who runs his snow blower up and down the block of Winter Avenue in the New Brighton section of Staten Island, New York. Each time it snows, Bill is out there, clearing the sidewalks and driveways... even the area in front of the corner grocery store. This weekend, while Bill was doing what he does, he took a break. It was mid-morning when some gavone stole Bill's Sears Craftsman snow blower from the bed of his pickup truck.

Local media picked up the story. I saw the report, a few minutes ago, on WPIX-TV from New York. Marvin Scott was interviewing Bill, who was reduced to tears. Bill had to shy away from the camera.

We have good news for Bill. Even though snow blowers are either "sold out" or too pricey for the Hebner family... offers have been coming in to buy a blower for our buddy. Offers from as far away as Qatar!

General Tom Welcomes Martinique

We at the blog are happy to welcome a certain web surfer from Martinique as a representative of the 136th country to visit our humble effort. Technically, Martinique is a part of France. We're OK with that, of course.

For those not familiar, Martinique is an island in the eastern Caribbean, 436 square miles with a population of 400,000! Christopher Columbus "discovered" Martinique in 1502.

Welcome, folks. We look forward to many return visits!

Taco Bell Says Thanks For The Lawsuit

This can only be described as modern public relations.

The Bell took out full page ads out in Friday’s Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and USA Today responding to an Alabama class action lawsuit alleging their meat mixture is only 35% beef.

Click the image to read the ad's text.

Even though I don't eat this crap, you've got to admit that they did a very good job of damage control.

Sheen Checks Into Hotel California

Charlie Sheen is in rehab... again. This comes after his much publicised party with a porn star, a ton of cocaine and enough vodka to float a battleship. The guy is lucky! He's 45. The pornette is less than half his age. Mix the coke & the hooch for a 36 hour party and only bad things can happen. If partying sends you to the hospital... you're doing it wrong! He's lucky to be alive.

Meanwhile, his TV show is taking a break from production while he cleans himself up. The people to pity are his co-workers - especially the staffers who really need their regular paychecks.

The guy is a walking overdose - waiting to happen.

This Mayor Is "For" The Birds

Mayor R. Rex Parris of Lancaster, California thinks that his city will be happier with the sound of chirping birds piped in, to the city's streets...or a least, along the main drag. He said so - at Monday's State of the City Address. Hizzonor says that scientific research backs up his claim!

Parris is known for his flamboyant ideas. He got a law passed giving the city the right to castrate pit bulls, ordered city officials to learn Mandarin in a bid to woo Chinese business, and riled some people by saying he was growing Lancaster into a Christian community.

Lancaster, with a population of 150,000, is the 6th largest city in Los Angeles County.

Parris is up for re-election, this year.

Friday Foto - Rachel Aldana

This week's Friday Foto features a popular British model named Rachel Aldana.

She's 24 years old and what you see is natural.

Click the image for the full effect...and have a nice weekend!

Walgreens' Beer

Walgreens is branching out. Depending on your state's liquor laws, you may very well be seeing Walgreens' own private label beer, Big Flats 1901.

The attraction, here will be the price. Walgreens plans to sell the suds for no more than $.50 for a can...$3.00 for a six pack and $11.50 for a case of 24.

I like beer. I drink two beers a day. Over the years I have found that expensive beer does not always taste better. I've also found that cheap beer usually tastes worse.
There's a reason why it's cheap!

Fisher Done In Tennessee

Less than a month after Tennessee Titans' owner Bud Adams swore his support to his head coach, Jeff Fisher, he cans him! I had heard that Adams was a gavone... but saying that is an injustice to all gavones, around the world! As a casual NFL fan, I am certain that Adams will never find a smarter head coach for his team. I am also certain that Bud Adams will never win a Super Bowl. I say this because, with his decision to fire Fisher, the man has shown himself to be a loser, or lunatic. (Probably both.)

Fisher had been the Titans' head coach for 16 straight years. That's longer than any other current head coach. Fisher has coached more NFL games for one franchise than all but six Hall of Famers: George Halas, Tom Landry, Don Shula, Chuck Noll, Curly Lambeau and Bud Grant. He ranks third among active coaches in career wins with a record of 147-126, behind only Bill Belichick (176) and Mike Shanahan (160), and he is 20th all-time in coaching victories.

"On paper" or on the field, Jeff Fisher should be the Titans' head coach. He has one season remaining on his contract. If he can avoid all of the tempting job offers which are sure to follow, he might be enjoying a real nice paid vacation...

RR Station Toilet Closes - Passengers Pissed

Don't we pay enough in taxes? Here we are in 2011 and I'm afraid that we are slipping back to the dark ages.

Take, for example, the recent closure of the public restrooms at the New Rochelle Amtrak station. New Rochelle is a suburb of New York City. Roughly 2,000 commuters use this station to travel to their jobs in NYC, every day. Although I live in the midwest, I am familiar with the New Rochelle Train Station. In High School, I used to catch the "A" bus, there, on my way home to Mount Vernon.

Anyway, the public restrooms at the train station, which had been open 5:25 AM - 9:00 PM weekdays, are now closed! Vandalism is said to be the problem.

New Rochelle's City Manager, Charles Strome, gives us the straight poop:

“Our police department has ceded a 10-percent reduction in staff so we don’t have regular patrols there like we used to. So all in all it was costing us a significant amount of money to keep the bathrooms open at the train station.”

Here's the solution!!!
The station is open 15 1/2 hours a day. You can hire 2 people to be on hand during those hours. Pay them each $10/hour. That comes to $310 a day or $0.16 per customer! Take $0.20 out of every ticket and you'll have money left over...for, I don't know...toilet paper?

Wednesday Foto - Yvette Nelson

This week's Wednesday Foto is Yvette Nelson. Yvette is a New York girl with ties to Nashville and the west coast. She's a singer, song writer, actress and model. Extra credit for you if you remember that Yvette was married to Matthew Nelson, son of Ricky Nelson.

You can visit her website at www.yvettenelson.net. As usual, click the picture to get the full effect!

Chicago Car Salesman Canned For Wearing Packer Tie

This is rich! This is so close to me, it's ridiculous!

There's a 34 year old car salesman named John Stone. Until Monday, he worked at Webb Chevrolet in Oaklawn, Illinois, just outside of Chicago. John has two kids and he's a good salesman. He's been at Webb Chevy for less than 2 months and he sold 14 cars, last month. I should point out that selling 14 cars in DECEMBER is a feat....especially in his first full month at the place!

Here's the point of the story. You may remember that the Green Bay Packers defeated the Chicago Bears, at Soldier Field in Chicago, on Sunday. (So far this has nothing to do with car sales, right?) Well... the next day, John Roberts wears a Green Bay Packers tie to work. You can see it in the picture. He was told to remove it. He did not. His General Manager, Jerry Roberts, ordered him to remove the tie. In all, he was told at least 5 times to remove the tie. He did not. He was fired.


A couple of things here....if your General Manager tells you to do something, you should probably do it. If your General Manager threatens to fire you if you don't do something... you should probably do it. (This is where you get witnesses & record the occurrence with your cell phone.) If your General Manager is a yuppie jerk who has practically no experience in the car business, you should allow for some possible reckless behavior and questionable decision making - do what he says. A better General Manager would have handled the situation better. He also would have known that salesmen who deliver 14 cars, in December, don't "grow on trees."
They both screwed up.

You know, it's sad to get old! I'm old enough to remember living in a country where we were free to root for the team of our choice. Come on, the guy is tastefully dressed! If a "buying customer" were turned off by the tie, I'm sure that Stone would have taken it off, and sold the car! No customer confrontation was caused by wearing the tie.

Footnote: Webb Chevrolet spends $20,000 per month on advertising on WBBM Radio's Chicago Bears broadcasts.

Oh, one last thing, you may have noticed that John Stone is a black man. Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson may have an opinion to offer on this...

Jack LaLanne Dies

He often said that he can't die - it would ruin his reputation!

That was Jack LaLanne. Mr. LaLanne died, this weekend at age 96. His reputation remains intact! He was well known as a body builder, motivational speaker, fitness expert and promoter. He published numerous books on fitness and hosted a fitness television show between 1951 and 1985. He was inducted to the California Hall of Fame and has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

LaLanne franchised more than 200 of his "European Health Spas." He later sold the licensing to Bally Total Fitness.

I found out a few more things, today, about Jack LaLanne....

He was the son of French immigrants.
He was born, Francois Henri LaLanne.
He was a Chiropractor.
He and his wife, Elaine (LaLanne) were married for 51 years.
He designed the first leg extension machines, pulley machines using cables, and the weight selectors that are now standard in the fitness industry.
He invented the original model of what became the Smith machine.

The man was an American Icon. His impact will continue to be felt. He will be missed.

Apple Calls With $10,000 Prize - Woman Hangs Up

I can't really blame Gail Davis. I've ofen been called by telemarketers saying that I've won something...all I have to do is...spend some money.

Gail's daughters own iPod thingys and they bought the 10 billionth app. Because of this, Gail Davis wins a $10,000 iTunes gift card!

When Gail got the call from Apple, by habit, she said she's not interested and hung up.

Things got straightened out and she's getting the prize.

When you consider all the useless spam, telephone marketing and junk mail, maybe they should have sent her an old fashioned (low tech) telegram...

Monday Foto - Celina Ramos

Happy Monday! Today, we begin the week with an inspirational picture of Celina Ramos.

I don't know anything about this lady, except that if you click the image, you'll get the full effect!

Have a great week!

Political Sex Scandal: Italian Style

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is finding himself in the middle of a sex scandel.

Berlusconi is believed to be the third weathiest person in Italy, with a net worth of over $9 Billion. He made his money in construction and, later, in media.

The allegations involve his relationship with a 17 year old Moroccan belly dancer and prostitute named Karma el Mahroug or Ruby Heartstealer. It is said that our boy, Silvio, on several occasions, paid Ruby more than 7,000 Euros each time she attended one of his many nifty private parties. Both deny a physical relationship.

To me, this scandel is made possible on by a mutual love and attraction... FOR MONEY!

Olbermann Out At MSNBC

This may be a shock to some of us. However, to most of us, it's no big deal. Keith Olbermann's contract ran out at MSNBC...and so did his show. For those of us who never or seldom watched his show, it, shall we say, leaned slightly to the liberal left of center.

Here's the MSNBC explanation: "MSNBC and Keith Olbermann have ended their contract. The last broadcast of Countdown with Keith Olbermann will be this evening. MSNBC thanks Keith for his integral role in MSNBC's success and we wish him well in his future endeavors."

Really? Thanking Olbermann for his integral role in MSNBC's success??? If this is true, wouldn't they keep him on the air and maybe, even give him some more money???

In a nutshell: Bad ratings will get you fired...every time!

Lunchtime Clock

In the spirit of bringing you useful morsels of information, I respectively submit for your approval, the Lunchtime Clock!

This is no ordinary clock! When it reads 11:00 AM, it automatically speeds up, by 20%, so you can actually take your noon lunch break at 11:48! During the noon hour, the clock resumes to the normal 60 minute hour. By 1:00 PM it's back to normal.

This is kinda neat...until management finds a way to make each hour last, say an extra 9 minutes....that would lengthen our work day by 72 minutes!

We'd be smart enough to catch this....but, I have worked for people who would give it a try!

Picture 1/21/11

Here's a picture that you may find amusing.
To get a better view, click the image.

Lego O'Brien

What you see, here, is a life - sized LEGO statue of Conan O'Brien. (Click the image for a better view.)

Nathan Sawaya - whose works can sell for £10,000 each - says he was commissioned to make the brick-based talk show host, but won't say by whom, or why.

Sawaya says that he has 1.5 million Legos in his New York studio. (I have more than that in my basement!) He uses up to 150,000 in a typical project.

You can read more about this and many other similar stories on newslite.tv

Friday Foto - Leticia Cline

This week's Friday Foto features a beautiful Kentucky girl named Leticia Cline. Leticia is living in New York City where she does some modeling, photography and writing. Yeah, she looks good, but she also dances, speaks Spanish and French, plays the Sax & Clarinet, and is adept in Martial Arts, Aerobics, Boxing, Basketball, Baseball, Swimming, Cycling and Motocross. Talented lady, but you're probably not reading this.

Click the picture to get the full effect and have a nice weekend!

It Snows In Terre Haute

Snow is no big deal in Terre Haute, Indiana. I have a video of our Used Car Sales Support Specialist, Jimmy Knoblett doing what he does when it snows...

Jimmy thinks this video will go viral.
We're not so sure...