Chicago Car Stickers Don't Stick

This is kinda funny. The City of Chicago requires motor vehicles which are registered there to have a city sticker displayed in the windshield. Just one problem, they don't stick!

Earlier, this year Chicago accepted the lowest bid from the SecureMark folks. They beat the nearest competition by $300,000! The bid was accepted despite the fact that SecureMark had a quality problem, recently in New York City. The stickers didn't stick there either. Chicago has extended the deadline for displaying the stickers and promises to replace defective stickers for free.

Moral of this story: Sometimes the lowest bid is not the best, regardless the size of the kickback!

Oh Say Can You See: 61 Stars?

Dollar Tree Stores have been selling American Flags with 61 stars! All this, just in time for Independence Day! Actually, the flags were made in China. Dollar Tree offered a weak response saying that the "flags" were not flags, but "Patriotic Banners!"

Nope, it's a flag, alright. Somebody screwed up, that's all. This is an ironic little example of outsourcing gone bad. I don't feel offended, I also don't feel... like shopping at Dollar Tree.

Happy 4th, everybody!

"Polite" Holdup At Domino's

In Cookeville, Tennessee, a man held up a Domino's Pizza, last Saturday night. He apologized and said that he needed the money to make a house payment. It was this, or face foreclosure.

Nobody was injured in the robbery. Bad guy acted like he had a gun in his pocket. Let's stop here. If you are thinking of holding up a retail store and you give the appearance that you have a gun, you are inviting someone to blow your head off! That's right, and the shooter would be the hero!

$520 was stolen. Why a Domino's cash register would have $520 in it, at 11PM on a Saturday, is beyond me.

I am told that the holdup man was very polite and that he would never do such a think, except he didn't want to lose his house. He needed to make a mortgage payment by June 27. Really, I'm not making this up. I'm wondering what his plans are for making next month's payment?

If they have any cops in Cookeville, they will catch this guy. When they catch him, he won't have to be concerned about house payments, we'll put him up in a state prison for a couple of years. If he has a family, we'll find room in the housing projects.

Is this a great country or what?

Local Loco Gets National Attention

This happened last Wednesday. I know that I should say that it allegedly happened. National media attention has focused on Terre Haute, Indiana and a woman named Stephanie Foster. The Associated Press picked up the story and the NBC Today Show provided coverage.

Let's start from the beginning, 34 year old Stephanie Foster had a miscarriage, last fall. She did not tell her husband. She faked a pregnancy and since her "due date" would have been last week, she allegedly sprang into action. She has been arrested and is expected to be charged with 5 counts. She allegedly stabbed and damn near killed a woman in rural Vigo County after breaking into the woman's home. She also allegedly attempted to steal the woman's newborn child...and claim it as her own. The victim's husband was at home during all this. He managed to subdue the Foster who was arrested by an off-duty cop and a State Trooper.

This sounds shocking...but not really. If you live around here, you know that we have no shortage of 14 karat nuts, here. My experience is that you have nuts (bad enough), then you have dumb nuts (worse), then you have a growing number of dumb nuts on meth (worst).

I'm not saying that Mrs. Foster was or drugs, or that she's a drunk. Judging from the mug shot, she appears to be a regular local housewife.

DootyCalls Does Its Duty!

DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal is a franchise business which takes care of the removal of pet poop. (Franchises are available) Well, there's a technician in St. Louis, working for DootyCalls, who found $58 wedged within the uh, you know, the business' wares. He took the money, sanitized it and returned it to its rightful owner. The appeal of this story is that the worker cared enough to sift through the doggy doo to rescue the money and to return it to his customer. I don't get it. Except, maybe for the worker's honesty. People in the real world (like me) must sift through our own version of pet poop to squeeze out a few bucks...after taxes...on a good day. We have a word for it. We call it a commission. If you sit on your ass, you don't get a commission. If you do your job, you help your company stay in business and you get a commission...and the world goes 'round. The worker in our little story deserves a reward, if not an additional day or two of paid vacation. I would mention our hero's name, but my crumby source didn't have a name.

By the way, DootyCalls has to be one of the greatest names for a business, ever!

The Most Listened To Radio Station In NYC IS.......

I grew up listening to New York City Radio! It was the best in the world! My parents would listen to WOR with John Gambling, Lyle Vann, Stan Lomax and guys like that. We kids would listen to the radio gods on WABC - Herb Oscar Anderson, Ron Lundy, DAN INGRAM, Cousin Brucie and the rest. WABC was cool, hip, smooth and most of all it was fun!

This brings us to the present, where the most listened to NYC radio station is WCBS-FM! That's right, not the Hip Hop stations, not the R&B stations, not the News/Talk stations, it's the oldies station! CBS-FM is a hit with all listeners 12+, lumped together! This is quite an accomplishment since they play music that is 20 - 50 years old! Is this a commentary on today's music? Is it a commentary on the solid music of the 60's, 70's & 80's? Is it a little deeper, like longing for the music that we heard during happier times? Personally, I know that I wasn't any happier during those years, but I was younger...and the music made more sense...to me.

What is definitely better, today is the method of measuring a radio audience. Arbitron is the biggest and the most successful radio ratings company. They use a "Portable People Meter" (PPM) which automatically reports audience exposure to inaudible codes embedded in a broadcast signal. The PPM methodology is transitionally replacing Arbitron's older "diary" method which relies on listeners to keep track or remember listening habits. This new system is an improvement...basically because it is accurate!

Arbitron is funded by some of the radio stations that it measures. I always thought that this was a major conflict of interest. Radio stations that subscribed to (and paid hugh sums of money) to Arbitron, always seemed to win in the Arbitron ratings.

Personally, during my radio career, I've been fortunate enough to have my time slot rated #1 within my station's targeted demographic on two separate occasions. One time "my" station subscribed to Arbitron, the other time, not.
You might be smelling sour grapes. That's OK, I smell a rat.

Village For Sale

Here's an investment opportunity for you! There's a little village on New Zealand's south island, nestled within the New Zealand Alps and it's for sale! This is indeed a rare opportunity for you to own the village of Otira, population 40! Your purchase would come complete with a Pub, Hotel, 18 houses and a train station - for a mere $715,000! I'm guessing that the price is negotiable. The village is located on the Overland Road, west of Christchurch. In 1998 Otira was purchased for $56,000, so you can see that there is some potential, there.

You can probably rename the place. Let's see, "General Tom, New Zealand...sounds pretty good, doncha think?

Couple Tries To Sell Their Baby For $25

A California couple was arrested this week after trying to sell their 6 month old baby, outside a Wal-Mart in Salinas, California.

The two were arrested within hours. Patrick Fousek, 38, and Samantha Tomasini, 20, allegedly offered the child, for sale, to two women. The women called the cops.

Cops said they found Fousek and Tomasini at their home at 1 a.m., and the duo appeared to be high on methamphetamine. The house was in shambles.

Tomasini told Child Protective Services, who took the baby, that she also breast-fed the child while she was under the influence.

The couple was expected to be in court today for arraignment.

Wasted lives...

Friday Foto - Felicity Fey

This week, the Friday Foto spotlight shines on Felicity Fey. I don't know squat about this lady, except that she caught my eye.

Click the picture to get the full effect...and have a nice weekend.

Our Governor, We Are So Proud Of Him!

Wednesday Photo - Tamara Lightning

It is a hot day, today in the American Midwest. Luckily the air conditioning is working well. However, for those of us who must work outside in the heat for all or a portion of our workday, I have a special midweek treat!

Her name is Tamara Lightning. She's a model from New York City and she says that modeling came naturally to her.

We understand!

My New Cellphone!

As some of you may know, I recently lost my cellphone! It was a stressful time since much of my business is transacted on the thing. I discovered that it can be expensive to replace a lost cellphone when you do not have insurance.

I found a way around this, and saved a few bucks, with this beauty!

News Flash: Fat Women Have Less Sex!

Amazing news from Laura Berman of the Berman Center! A recent European study reveals that obese women have 30% less sex than women who are of average weight. I cannot on Earth imagine who would fund a study like this! (Well, yes I can.) Berman is going to have a TV show on the OWN network. OWN Network? It's the Oprah Winfrey Network which debuts in January, 2011. Laura Berman will have a show where she talks about sexual matters.

I find this fascinating! A brand new television network with a program that takes on the oldest topic of mankind! This is all very nice, but I doubt that she has anything on Dr. Ruth!

McChrystal's Mistake

General Stanley McChrystal should have known better. He's a four star general, a West Point Grad, probably a military genius, but he has a problem with his mouth. He screwed up. Politics can be nasty. War is always nasty. I can see the curriculum at West Point adding a course in advanced PR. The man will lose his job when he meets with the President, tomorrow. He's 55 years old and can retire at any time. His problem is that he'll have to live with the fact that the mission in Afghanistan has not been accomplished. That's what is important to a military leader.

The President will accept McCrystal's resignation, say some nice things about the man and appoint someone else.

Nobody wins this one.

Beware: Gonorrhea Lectim!

This was sent to me. I'll repeat it in its entirity..

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new
virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible
obamanation.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior
involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted
it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the
past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just
coming on the market called Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010
and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior
again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all
life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey,
and apparently now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the writing on
the wall.

Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you
really care about.

LAPD Can't Afford To Run New Jail!

The new $70 Million dollar Los Angeles Metropolitan Detention Center is a multi story 172 square foot facility...just one problem: it's empty. It looks like it will remain empty until they can figure out how to staff the place. Los Angeles is broke...on paper. Their budget is maxed out and there's a hiring freeze and they need at least 44 additional people to run the place.

This is what happens when your tax base shrinks. Taxpayers are replaced by people who get a check in the mail. Isn't there money in California? Of course there is - it's where Hollywood is, right? Los Angeles could get help from the State - sell the jail to the State and lease it for the city.

Oh, that's right...the State's broke too.

Sick ID Theft Story

This is sick!
A trio of Wisconsin scum have been charged with stealing the identity of fallen military personnel from the Iraq war.

Yeah, I'll name names; Bobby McLeod, 46, of Green Bay; James Larson, 25, of Green Bay; and Tina Mitchem, 25, of Milwaukee, are facing a variety of charges, including forgery and misappropriating identity information.

Prosecutors said checks were forged in the name of fallen military members, identified as Rachel Bosveld, of Waupun; Matthew Schram, of Brookfield; and Andrew Halverson, of Grant.

Imagine the additional hurt that these scumb*gs brought to the families of these brave young people (allegedly)! The three are due in court, today, you will hear more following the conviction. Sentencing will not be harsh enough.

NY Cig Tax Expected To Increase BIG TIME

New York State has problems. The state has a $9 billion budget gap. They expect to raise $440 million on the cigarette tax increase and on the proposed 75% tax hike on pipe tobacco, chewing tobacco and cigars. The price of a pack of smokes would easily exceed $10! I currently pay less than $4.50 where I live. Bootleg cigarettes could be the next big thing in the Empire State!

The NY State Legislature votes on the plan Monday. If passed, the tax goes into effect on September 1.

This, of course, will not solve the state's money problems. They may want to consider spending less money. Just a thought.

U.S. Congress Vs. Tony Hayward

The following comes to us from our Chief European Correspondent, Benny Brown:

To my English friends:

OK, time for a (limited) defense of Tony Hayward, BP's CEO. The guy holds a Ph D in geology from the U of Edinburgh. He's not a financial "banker-type."

Yesterday (6/17) he was savaged by the Congressional Committee. This was not Washington; this was ancient Rome. The congressmen and congresswomen were obviously out of their knowledge-zones in discussing undersea drilling technologies, yet... they were all clearly showboating and grandstanding for their constituents back home. The woman from Tennessee was particularly venomous. They were subjecting him to medieval torture. Expensive suits, immaculately coiffed, little substance. It was righteous Americanism at its worst; we're gonna get our revenge and it's all your fault and you're gonna pay.

Well, it's not all his fault. BP is to a great degree partly American. BP supplies oil to feed America's profligate consumption, doesn't it? The world's biggest user of oil is the American military. It is not an American entitlement to use all the oil it wants, and to pay unrealistically low prices for it. For a start, get the military out of the two wars it started. Hummer has finally been discontinued; yet nothing says "arrogant" quite like driving an SUV.

Hayward knows his company is at fault, and the entire industry and associated groups are doing all they can to fix the problem. This is new technology, but we'll fix it. So, lighten up, woodja? This problem isn't going to be fixed immediately. Quit piling on Tony Hayward.

And his Swedish boss, the Chairman of BP, took some heat for his use of English while speaking at the White House. Tell me, congress members, just how good is your Swedish?

Benny Brown

Larry King Does A Good Thing

Idon't like Larry King. I think he's a phony, I don't like the way he interviews people and I don't think that there's a place on television for a convicted felon!

But...Larry King is doing something that is good and decent. I'm not sure if it was his idea or if he is doing this voluntarily, but he is hosting a telethon to help our neighbors along the Gulf Coast. For this I salute Mr. King! The telethon is expected to raise funds for United Way, The National Wildlife Federation and The Nature Conservancy, all of which are non-profit organizations helping people and wildlife hurt by the oil spill along the U.S. Gulf Coast region.

Guests on the TV show will talk with King and sit at telephone banks taking viewer calls and donations.

The "second screen" aspect of King's telethon involves the use of computers, where people can participate via social networks such as Facebook or Twitter by signing into a special "Social Suite" hosted by "American Idol" star Ryan Seacrest.

I hope it raises a lot of money...Monday, June 21, CNN.

On Star - Get Your Act Together!

On star is a magnificent system which can (and does) save lives, give directions, offer help during awkward situations...you know all the stuff that they advertise. Please On Star, as a car salesman of GM products for over 15 years, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! The public may not know, but GM dealerships are graded by GM on their performance in signing up customers for their On Star service. The truth is - we hate doing this!! We do not get paid a penny for enrolling a customer to On Star! The On Star advisor is most often a foreigner with English as a second or third language. They mumble to the point that they sound like an airline flight attendant during the pre-flight instructions. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THEM! Every damn one of them appears to be inexperienced! Good God! Can't you find any articulate people in Michigan? Can you offer these articulate people enough money to pry them from their unemployment checks?

I spent over an hour, today, setting up an On Star account for my customer. Is my time worth anything? My On Star representative's name is Cherry. I'm sure that she's a hard working lady, but get her the hell off the registration crew! On Star rates the GM dealership on their performance regarding On Star registration. Well, hey guys, I have a rating for you! A big fat ZERO! First impressions are important! You blew it for my customer...oh, and by they way, he did buy the extra telephone minutes. In the meantime, thank you, On Star for embarrassing me in front of my customer and for wasting my time.

Friday Foto - Shay Maria

This week's Friday Foto comes to us from sunny California! Shay Maria or Alicia Kozlowski, as I know her, is a 19 year old dancer/model with lots and lots of energy. Unlike Shay, her website is still under development at www.shaymaria.net.

Click the picture to get the full effect, and have a nice weekend!

Girosa

Girosa is a prescription drug which is supposed to do for women what Viagra does for men. Also known as flibanserin, it has not yet been approved by the FDA. It probably will be...just one problem - it doesn't work! Actually more than one problem, in some cases, side effects include depression, fainting, fatigue and other problems.

General Tom's suggestion: No pills are necessary, try the old standby - a bottle of wine with the optional flowers.

Fox Off The Market, Again, Probably...

Megan Fox has announced that she is engaged (again) to Brian Austin Green. She's 24. He's 36.

I was thinking about this and I thought, "Who cares?" Like, can any of us relate to this? There's the money, the fame, the sex appeal...and don't forget the HIGH MAINTENANCE!

Yeah, she's pretty. Word on the street is that she's hard to work with. While we wish the couple the best, I'm sure that there will be "another" Megan Fox within 6 months.

It's Hollywood. They're in the business of giving us the likes of Megan Fox...

Advice For The President

Wait a minute! Is General Tom offering advice to the President of the United States? Damn straight! I am trying to keep politics out of this blog, but I think that the oil spill has become a political issue. IT SHOULDN'T BE. We've got a big problem in the Gulf of Mexico. The solution is complex, the steps to take are easy. The first thing to do is "STOP THE BLEEDING! There are many different ways to try to do this. The solution should come from all the great engineering minds from BP, the government and from the private sector. Pool your resources - you & PP should be able to stop the flow of oil ASAP! Then you should clean up the oil...on the water and on the beaches. This will take some time...less time if we don't spend too much time on the golf course. You might also want to put off any vacation plans. I'm not taking one this year...it won't kill you.

Finally, after all of this is done, you can hit up BP for money to pay for the cleanup, etc. There will be plenty of time for you to sue the daylights out of BP. It is very important to remain professional and not take any "cheap shots at BP or the oil companies...like Miss Nancy saying that BP should be forced to stop advertising their good intentions! This is counter-productive.

And finally, the last bit of advice. When you decide to talk to us on network TV, during prime time, make damn sure that you have something concrete to say. This is no time for campaigning, you already got the job...DO IT!